Beginning Of The End

As I move into the dark , crumbling , damp and downright depressing Civil Engineering PG block class , or 'Kaalapaani' as its called , a cold feeling grips my heart . College life is at another of its many critical turning points , which crowd the short four years we have been given to fulfill all our expectations of college we have been fed all those scwany school years and to gather lifelong bitter-sweet experiences , which we are supposedly gonna look back fondly upon later on in life . Three heart busting and nerve crunching schufflings past , we are still not completely comfortable with our home for the past two and a half odd years . Moving into the smart , dust free , painted (for once) class rooms we are filled with apprehension about the next three semesters . We are finally at the beginning of the end , accepting it or not , no longer a question of much consequence , with just three more semesters to go . Semesters one , two , three .. where did they all go , when did all they fly by . We are left with no memory of them , nothing to punctuate properly the vague mass of randomly flowing time , nothing to remind us of the passage of time , passage of the best years of our life . Will we all look back upon it , our college days , with longing in our eyes , just wishing to relive them , wishing we'd have done better in them , not done then some of the thing we had done , not said some of the things we had said , not hurt some of the people we had hurt ? Bitter about life , high on experience , wiser .. but better off?? , we stand on almost the edge of this vast expanse of a spectacular experience , a wonderful piece of life , and we all swear , swear by all our pride and self esteem , "Make may we our lifes a little better , break may we a little of our deadlocks with egos , speak out may we a little more clearly to those with us of our love , see may we more magnified those little things others try to do to make us happy , and try may we a little hard , just a little harder , to make everyone else happy , for us , and for everyone else ."

Winds Of ChanGe

The wind was blowing at my face . Body rigid . Senses tense , at their peak , I fly without wings . The road comes on fast at me . As I take the curves I feel the force driving me off my track . I hold on tight to the handle bar afraid , the wheels managing enough traction through the slight jump off the uneven road . I give the throttle a sharp twist sending the bike rushing forward in the sudden spurt of power . I feel the adrelanine rushing . My arms twitch at the effort . My whole body tenses to balance the bike over each curve , tilting the bike, teasing the traction , challenging it . I am trying to pass the car in front . I go in for it . A car is coming from the opposite side . No space to go . I down my gear and twist the throttle . I fly forwards . I can feel the mean machine roaring in fury , majestically with its power. I go head on with the other car . Its is rushing towards me . I am besides the car i'm passing. I lay to one side , leaning on my left hand ,shooting the bike laterally into the gap between the cars . I feel the wind of both cars passing . I duck the rear view mirrors on both sides . Suddenly leaning to the right I'm back straight ..feeling rushed.. feeling great.. glad to be alive .. I ride on ... Its proof you dont need wings to fly .

WorLd??

So it seems Bush is winning the 2004 elections. Frankly I had expected Senator Kerry to win . So did most of my net buddies. But how can anyone predict what the americans would do . Now ,that its almost sure (statistically ,the television is blaring out),what is Bush administration going to do that is going to change the life of millions of people again. They have done it twice in the last term . Watching Rambo III , showed me americans at their hipocritical best . " What are you russians doing here. These are proud people,fighting for their freedom. We made the same mistake . We already had our vietnam ". And some years later we have American special forces running around the same country confused , cursing 'those damn' Muslims for making them part their loving families and fighting jehadis . Now whats left of a country that was devoloping by stride during the mid 70's . How long is it going to take to reuild it all.

But hey ,who remembers Afghnistan when we've got better Iraq(or I'raq for the americans). Saddam ,street smart, had run a country to its peak from god knows what condition. And in a few strokes of master manipulation of media we have 51% of the americans thinking saddam had direct proven contacts with Osama (survey just before the iraq invation ). CNN even had its own snazzy tune composed during sept 11,for a dramatic entry (filmie ishtyle) of the knight Bush. Both CNN and BBC covered the action enthusiastically(in the beginning).Then it just didnt stop.Hasnt,even now.Bombs going off daily,suicide bombers,pampered americans going back home after the unbeleivable stay in the ultra modern city.

Now where are they going to take us. North Korea has already been fixed on . We are going to have a tea party there for sure and soon. And when do we directly come in contact with all this. I mean India does star in most of the possible political scenarios drawn up by Americans(something like India taking over Australia through Sri Lanka in one of the ludlum novels!!),along with pakistan too in some of them. Lets wait and see. Hopefully i'll be in one of those european neutral countries by then .Enjoying the calmness of the lakes and gazing at the clear skies and holding the had of some future beloved of mine.

With a Bowed hEaD..

College next week is going to be something of a carnival , rides and fun , all a part of the game . Aracade gaming , Building design , i do not know what i'd be doing. Both prospects are equally interesting . Both have got their share of perks and turn offs . Both are arenas for showing off one's skills and talents , for bragging ,for boosting esteem and for gaining the repect and awe of peers ,on a scale unimaginable till now.

This maybe uncomprehendable to many . But face it . Guys always need masculine fronts to show off their egos and skills and face them off against each other on a seemingly mindless display of physical strength or skill. Gaming is as close to a duel most of us may get to in real life. Fighting in a real war may not be as romantic as it may seem on a television or in a book . But fighting in a virtual arena with warriors as adept and unrelenting as us is definitely something we could live for for ever. Racing through the roads , burning tarmac , skirting through rush hour traffic at top speeds in mean machine , seemingly risking lives (on mostly a 0-100 health scale),to respawn after a crash losing precious time to opponents , all send the adrelanin pumping right through our viens.

Unreal tournament , you are a warrior send to fight in the tournament . Your strenght and brutality are legendary .You have to fight , fight to show you are the best , to crush your enemies , to win .. the tournament.. Or Counter-Strike , with weapons feeling as real as any game ever , you could feel the M4A1 Maverick Carbine being cocked after a reload almost right in your hands your head cocking from the effort, you could feel the reloaded cartridge being jammed into the gun with the hell of your hand and feel the resistance of the cocking mechanism against your fingers . Bursts of two or three ,sending you back in recoil, catching the opponent in the chest and head , you running away from assaults reloading your gun frantically , desprately trying to stay alive till the gun has juice again to pump lead into the heart of your opponent . That is power. Power in its rudimentary form . You are a warrior , one of the elite....You are a virtual gladiator and the crowd roars at you "You are the best" from the aisles.. You are the legendary .. you are the best ... you are a Gamer...

Awarenes : Prelude

As I was riding through pattom one fine evening , enroute to my T.I.M.E classes, needless to say not on time , I happened t o see a familiar face walking by on the road . Looking closely again ( required cos I would'nt even notice a guy , even if he jumped in front of my speed monster , unlike gals whom i could within seconds place from my extensive data base , even from a partial view of the tip of their shawls ), I saw that it was my class mate Roshan . So I slowed down and went to him , and quickly realised he was excited about something ( My interest suddenly skyrocketed since it looked like it involved gals ).

"Where are ya coming from man..?"
"Loyola college.. woww.. it was fun (something of that sort).. you really should go .."
"What does it involve?"(does it involve meeting chicks?)
"Thats a surprise!!"(wowwww.. that means lots of chicks!!)

Now this started me on a quest to get into the next batch of the Loyola College "Self Awareness and Devolopment" camp , which was into the third batch (already full) . So everyone was excited about it , those who completed it were virtually jumping (hopping) around campus , meeting up with 'loyola'mates of theirs from the various batches. Mag promised me to inform me as soon as the next batch ( specially requested after the incessant demand ) , was posted up in CGPU . In the meanwhile the other three batches of campers were frolicking around , with enhanced people skills ( hmm... meaning hi's to everyone ) , boosted confidence ( read anugeetha's sudden break into class conversations and occasional group trips to the snack bar to have a sip-up ) , and newly made friends ( hema and kittu step into the kalapani for the first time in their lives to see roshan ) . Finally the notice was out , or on the way to get out , and mag rushed to me with the news . So me and kulu , he forsaking his college bus ride , started to run frantically to the CGPU to get there before the forms ran out . Mountain climbing , repelling , sliding , panting we reached the CGPU door . Ahhh.. the forms were still there . We were in . We would get to go to the famed camp , to improve our personalities , to meet chicks , to have unlimited amount of fun ( guaranteed by satisfied costomers )....

We The People

We the people. It does catch the imagination of the population , firing up the patriotic zeal in the volatile minds of the youth of a nation ,which is still with bright memories of a fight , a fight of a nation for its independence. You sit in a theatre and watch Shah Rukh Khan being transformed from a Non Returning Indian ,walking around with his ever faithful aquafina ( how many times have we seen it in real life , so real !) and slowly feeling the fires of righteousness lighting up , slowly and steadily , finally manifesting itself as tear filled scene where he finally realises the hardships of the *real people* ,handing out all the money he has to an apolegetic farmer who can't even feed his children but treats his guest like 'bhagvan'. I have to hand it to them ,because this is one of the moments where the movie finally sets itself to a good rhythm and pace. From there on even the ever screaming ,wise cracking mass of mostly fist years , who formed the majority of the theatre population ,were silent ,sitting on the edge of their seats ,hanging on to every word coming out of the talented actor ,each one vibrating with patriotic flair and those coming out of the not so talented but gorgeous actress. The songs in the movie had everyone clapping their hands to the beat , showing yet again how A.R.Rahman can entice listeners whether he does more movies than we can imagine possible or not . Chala was, like always in a bad mood , but that did not deter any of us from having fun ,during the carefully constructed hoaxed visit , Roshan disgusting meenu with his descriptions of the dead rat and CJ late by half an hour like always . In the end though the bad acting of the actress finally caught up with the movie , destroying one of the *nail biting* scenes , when she with close eyes 'chanted' ,"please dont go , please dont go" , to finally see that Shah Rukh had gone . It was better , to have him go and complete his 'Nasha'(NASA) lauch ,ripped off from countless movies , but ripped off reasonably well. So no complaints . All in all the movie is what it says it is - a serious movie which tries to break the mould of masala movies ,one which doesnt compromise good film making ,just to make a fashion statement . Go watch it if you dont mind long old hindi dialogues which you may have heard a thousand times . "Sanskruti...Parampara". Jai Hind!

Day Of The Jackal

He came pounding down the dirt trodden path at brisk pace. He looked around with his keen eye spotting his prey for the day . His sunken beady eyes glared out from under those protruding bones of his forehead. He stretched his limbs and body menacingly , freeing it from the strings of long inactivity of the previous night. Walking up and down , he analysed the flat expanse of dry , rugged terrain in front of him . He picked his line of attack , going over his action plan again ,making sure that his chances were good for a quick and clean kill . He looked at up at the sun ,guaging the time by its diuranal motion. The time was near,he could feel it . The day was hot . He licked his lips , feeling his saliva soak the dried skin ,making him feel instantly better. He used his furry paws to scratch his itching neck . Turning slowly he walked ,with neck hung low ,eyes down , conserving energy , searching for a comfortable place to lay in wait for the right angle of sun and for his hunting partner for the day to come . He sat there hidden from view from his prey , making murmuring sounds deep from his throat.

I was feeling tensed , unexpected at it was to me , it was making my palms moist in the mid morning sun. I knew I was safe for the moment , but I had seen the jackal come, reconnoitre and make his way into the shade . I could feel the tension among the other poor animals with me. They too could feel their time was close . Perspiration was running down the neck of each of the females with me . They could see that the hunter would go for the weaker female . I moved to their side and tried to calm a couple of them who were particularly close to me . I could see that one of them was taking long labourious breaths . I tried to calm her , or she would'nt have a chance at survival . Freezing in tense situations was a wide response I had seen among them . But today that would spell their definite doom , because the hunter today was as relentless and cunning , as he was fast in picking out the weaknesses in his prey.

Yes ,today was the fifth semester survey lab examination . The time was mid morning . We , a batch of two boys and 6 girls were waiting outside the civil engineering laboratory building , lazing around in front of the dirt laden roads . I could hear someone taking deep breaths . Turning around I see Anjana filling her chest with long inhalations and calm exhalations in a futile attempt to calm her jumpy nerves. Arathi was cool as ever , atleast on the outside . But i could feel her hand turning cold in mine. Finally after a while the time was here to see the result of what the constant conspiring of the external and internal examiners had churned out to make to make us sweat and toil in the hot sun and finally burn out our intellects and imaginations and still not reach a plausible result which may atleast lay to rest our fears untill we get out of the lab. Ofcourse the question appeared simple enough on first glance , but ofcourse , why would they do that ;give a simple question ? I had all the observations I needed , each of which i had painstakingly taken ,making sure each were correct to the nearest second .*what for?* Resuming the juggling i had left off an hour earlier, with the trignometric relations , on the plain figure , I used up all the imagination i could muster to improvise towards , at the least , a plausible answer. But needless to say nothing came out of the skillful manipulations and assumptions I made to dupe the examiner into overestimating my mathematical talents .

In the end I was probably better off than the others, Anjana having to manufacture readings and most others way off the mark with their *genuine* calculations. Lets wait and see whether all my innovative *creative* calculation methods pay off. *Varaan ollathu vazhiyil thangilla!*